NEW POSITION 2007: Thnks Fr Reaching Both Sides of a Trophy Boy’s Nasty Guilty Heartbeat

Guilty Pleasure – Cobra Starship
Guitar - Prince
Camille’s Record Release (NP2007) - Prince
Nasty Girl – Inaya Day
True Blue (Live – Who’s That Girl Tour) – Madonna
I Still Remember – Bloc Party
Thnks Fr Th Mmrs – Fall Out Boy
But It’s Better If U Do (Live from Denver) – Panic at the Disco
The Only Difference Between Martyrdom & Suicide is Press Coverage
(Live from Denver) – Panic at the Disco
Interlude: Don’t Cry 4 Me, Argentina – from Drowned World Tour
Reaching One – Girl Bros.
Love (Acoustic) – Prince
Heartbeats – Jose Gonzalez
Shirk – Me’Shell Ndegeocello
I’ve Got a Big Bowl of Cherries – Girl Bros.
I’ve Got a Dark Alley & a Bad Idea That Says U Should
Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song) – Fall Out Boy
I Ain’t Leaving – Mary Gauthier
Both Sides Now – Dolly Parton w/Judy Collins
Don’t Stop (Live) – Fleetwood Mac
Way Back In2 Love (Demo) – Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore

Notes to come!

I Took a Shot and Didn't Even Come Close

It's like we had completely separate experiences. that part still blows me away. Dr. Everything'll Be All Right asked me if i've cried about this. i haven't. well, i did get choked up and teary when i saw Regina Spektor sing "On the Radio" at Bridge School. but i haven't had the really good cry. yet. and i think it's because it's such a big deal. and not even about him. but about me breaking the cycle of offering myself to men who are uninterested and unavailable. and breaking the cycle of accepting whatever those men are willing to give as enough. amidst the pain there is a definite numbness, but also an underlying breath of fire that tells me i'm alive and on the right path.

Please put the doctor on the phone 'cause I'm not making any sense
Blame everyone but me for this mess
And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart
We never seemed so far
I'm hopelessly hopeful, you're just hopeless enough
But we never had it at all

And the record won't stop skipping
And the lies just won't stop slipping
And besides my reputation's on the line
We can fake it for the airwaves
Force our smiles, baby, half dead
From comparing myself to everyone else around me
to everyone else around me
everyone else around me
everyone else around me

(thanks FOB...)

Eyes Never Lie

"I never said that!"
u protested.
but that's because
u think
words are only spoken
through lips.

2 Children 2 Blind 2 See

i thought that "no" was bad, then i realized that "no" means i am not:

25;
120 lbs.;
5'7";
sleazy (his word, not mine);
passive-aggressive (enough);
emotionally stunted;
geographically unavailable/undesirable;
completely unstable;
in need of rescue.

from here, "no" looks pretty damn good.

Another Lonely Christmas

really feeling Stevie right now...

There's a plane, it's headed for London
Twenty-four hours more and he'll be on it
And I can't show my love, and I can't stop it
Ooh, I can't stop it

There's a house there, somebody's waiting
Somebody else's arms will wrap around him
And in that moment what will he think then...
When I can't touch him

Maybe my love could fly over the ocean
Maybe my heart should try to leave him alone
All that I really know is that he's goin'
Too far from Texas
Too close to home

Does he know how long
I've waited for this love to come
Does he know I'm holdin' on
And that won't change no matter where he's gone

The Words That I Keep Writing

i put him on a plane this morning. Christmas, his birthday and the start of the new year will pass between now and then. i need the breathing room.

i don't really know y we have 2 go
our separate ways
whether or not we grow
after the seeds r sown
only time can say...

but like a bird i'll keep on singing
a song that never leaves your mind
if nothing else u've taught me one thing
never cast ur pearls b4 the swine

Unless it Should Rain Strawberry Lemonade

i'm getting sound sleep for the first time in, well, ever, thanks to Dr. Feelgood. and in getting into a routine, i've decided to start using an alarm clock, which i haven't done since high school. yesterday, i had it set to buzzer. this morning, i was already half awake when 6:45 came around. the alarm made a weird clicking noise, then i heard the familiar starting spin of a cd. (you kids remember cds, right? they're what we used to listen to before mp3s.) and then, i heard the heralding trumpets that open "Christopher Tracy's Parade." in all the years since 1986, i don't think i ever noticed what a great wake up song that is.

so the story ends with me laying in bed for the duration of the "Parade" album, drifting in and out of sleep, thinking that Prince should spend his time worrying about re-mastering his records, not suing fans. and then he should call Pete Wentz and get some tips on marketing, mentoring and breaking new bands, and how to treat the people who love you, even when you act like the spoiled child u r.