remember my name!

For the past couple of weeks, Los Angeles has been sucking up all of that Hope that led me to tears back at Mile High with Barack Obama on 08/28/08. Work is going at full-crazy speed, landlords are fucking with me and my dog, the man just turned me down for another job-that-I-don't-really-want-but-it-comes-with-a-big-fat-paycheck-and-juicy-benefits, I just realized the cold I thought I've had for the last four days is my biennial bout with tonsillitis, and I live in the 4th most stressful city in the nation. It all makes me want to go scream "F-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-C-K!!!!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs in the face of anyone stupid enough to support Sarah Palin. But I come from the obedient Latino side of the fence, not the loud crazy one, so I swallow it (along with the high blood pressure, acid reflux and depression pills that make the swallowing possible).

Then tonight, I go to a screening of Fame at the cult theater as part of an AFI program. Somehow I have managed to be the only music loving homo who grew up in the 80's and never saw the movie. What? I KNOW! Anyway, it was a field trip for the commune that S found. (YAY S! YAY COMMUNE!) Unbeknownst to me, Debbie Allen was there to introduce the movie. Following the immediate standing ovation at her presence, she told us about the power of the movie, and how many performing arts schools were opened all around the world because of it. And she reminded/asked us to be a part of that circle of creativity and positivity that makes the world a better place to be in. Then the lights went down and I saw a movie I wish I would have seen 28-years-ago. I wonder if my life would have been any different if I had seen a gay teenager on screen before I was one myself. Or if I thought that following the arts was a real way to lead a life. Who knows, right? And my favorite Madonna line remains, "Absolutely no regrets." So fuck what I didn't see, know, or think then. I know what I know now, I know who I am and what I want to be when I grow up. Or at least some semblance of it -- enough to keep on keeping on! Thanks to Fame, my life feels about 1000 times better than it did when I walked through those theater doors.

...there but for the grace of God go i
i'll pretend i'm not afraid to die
if there's a heaven i will apply
I'M NOT CRAZY!
but i believe in butterflies,
dreams that die should be a big surprise
life is my favorite nursery rhyme
i'm not afraid of the big bad wolf!
from Staring at the Sun by Wendy and Lisa

Oh yeah, there's always this to be thankful for...