i gotta just letitgo

Ok, so God's Light is hidden behind a curtain. What is the curtain?

Ego. Each time you react, a curtain is placed over your inner lamp. Fortunately, every time you overcome your ego, a curtain is removed. Keep in mind that the Light of God never changes. It remains constant. You have the free will to either remove curtains and bring more Light into your world, or add curtains and increase the darkness.

Today, stop putting up curtains – and start pulling some down. Resist the angry outbursts and impatient stares. Indulge in loving remarks and thoughtful acts. Remember, only you can take down the curtains to reveal the full intensity of Light that is always shining.

the sound of my voice will haunt u

it took me nearly 25 years (ouch! it makes me feel really fucking old to realize that! where does the time go? really?) from when i got my first Stevie album to seeing her in concert. and now i get to do it again just nine months later. and what prophetic timing. that night in May set me onto a journey that was much like giving birth. i'm glad to be at the other side of it and really glad that i get to celebrate the delivery in her presence. ah Stevie, u do my soul good!

oh how it's been so long

it's so fucking awesome to be excited about new music and to have a new obsession that is rooted in a genuine appreciation of the musicality and lyricism of a group. a dreamysexyhotqueerish lead singer is just icing. Panic at the Disco has entered my consciousness -- yes, i'm a couple two years late to the party, but after only a month of exposure, i'm a goner. i've fallen hook, line and sinker! their sophomore album is slated for a spring release and i'm loving the tracks i've heard from it. it's been a loooong time since i've been excited for a new album to come out. for the last few years, i anticipate The Idol's albums with cautious optimism. while Confessions was a pleasant surprise that has become a favorite of the post-Madonna era, i'm 100% dreading the next Madonna album. i strongly dislike Timbaland & JT's sound and arrogance. i'm praying for M to work one of her miracles. and the 3 return-to-pop discs from P have steadily improved from Musicology to 3121 to Planet Earth, but his recorded worked hasn't been inspired since TRC, which was unfortunately marred by the clunky JW-speak. and while CW is that is his live shows are where it's at, the 3121 shows i saw in Vegas last year and other sets i've heard illustrate that without a solid backing band there's not much life left in the hits. but i digress... Panic blows me away! my ipod has been stuck on their Reading 2007 set for about five days. great blend of tunes from their debut disc, new tracks and covers. they're top rate musicians and Brendon's voice is just really fucking brilliant -- and the little shits are barely legal! can't wait for the live show.

Solo

I was just playing the old "shuffle & see" game. U know, put itunes on shuffle, skip to the next song, using that song as a Tarot card of sorts. Know what song came up for me?

Solitaire

the Carpenters tune, performed by Sheryl Crow, not the Laura Branigan one. but same sentiment. at any rate, solo is just right these days, and yes, the only game in town.

rain fall (i might be stupid enough 2 want 2 fall again)

so what happens now?
that’s what Madonna asked
(well, Evita actually)
this isn’t where we intended to be
that’s what Webber wrote
(well, Rice actually)
whatever
i won’t say i wish i didn’t fall
because the falling was fun
even if i did it alone
i won’t say i wish i moved long ago
because the living was worth the fall
to trip is to fall, we all fall down
(that’s Wendy & Lisa)
i was your fortress u had to burn
u were my lesson i had to learn
(yes, Madonna)
i’m glad i learned it with u
safely
it’s such a shame our friendship had to end
(u know Purple Rain, right?)
anyway
if happiness lies in our own hands
we only see what our eyes want to see
and don’t see what our eyes don’t want to see
my secret is i’m not frozen
i can’t wait
(gotta love Stevie)
sweet dreams!

NEW POSITION 2007: Thnks Fr Reaching Both Sides of a Trophy Boy’s Nasty Guilty Heartbeat

Guilty Pleasure – Cobra Starship
Guitar - Prince
Camille’s Record Release (NP2007) - Prince
Nasty Girl – Inaya Day
True Blue (Live – Who’s That Girl Tour) – Madonna
I Still Remember – Bloc Party
Thnks Fr Th Mmrs – Fall Out Boy
But It’s Better If U Do (Live from Denver) – Panic at the Disco
The Only Difference Between Martyrdom & Suicide is Press Coverage
(Live from Denver) – Panic at the Disco
Interlude: Don’t Cry 4 Me, Argentina – from Drowned World Tour
Reaching One – Girl Bros.
Love (Acoustic) – Prince
Heartbeats – Jose Gonzalez
Shirk – Me’Shell Ndegeocello
I’ve Got a Big Bowl of Cherries – Girl Bros.
I’ve Got a Dark Alley & a Bad Idea That Says U Should
Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song) – Fall Out Boy
I Ain’t Leaving – Mary Gauthier
Both Sides Now – Dolly Parton w/Judy Collins
Don’t Stop (Live) – Fleetwood Mac
Way Back In2 Love (Demo) – Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore

Notes to come!

I Took a Shot and Didn't Even Come Close

It's like we had completely separate experiences. that part still blows me away. Dr. Everything'll Be All Right asked me if i've cried about this. i haven't. well, i did get choked up and teary when i saw Regina Spektor sing "On the Radio" at Bridge School. but i haven't had the really good cry. yet. and i think it's because it's such a big deal. and not even about him. but about me breaking the cycle of offering myself to men who are uninterested and unavailable. and breaking the cycle of accepting whatever those men are willing to give as enough. amidst the pain there is a definite numbness, but also an underlying breath of fire that tells me i'm alive and on the right path.

Please put the doctor on the phone 'cause I'm not making any sense
Blame everyone but me for this mess
And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart
We never seemed so far
I'm hopelessly hopeful, you're just hopeless enough
But we never had it at all

And the record won't stop skipping
And the lies just won't stop slipping
And besides my reputation's on the line
We can fake it for the airwaves
Force our smiles, baby, half dead
From comparing myself to everyone else around me
to everyone else around me
everyone else around me
everyone else around me

(thanks FOB...)