i don't wanna hear

don't tell me u're sorry. don't tell me u miss me. don't tell me u miss seeing me everyday. don't tell me i was the "best roommate ever". don't tell me u spent the night picking up a sleazy guy. don't expect to know everything in my life, because that's a privilege u forfeited when i walked out the door. i'm not gonna be like all the rest. i'm not going to accept whatever little bit u're willing to give on any given day. al fin, it's my way or no way at all.

how do u turn ur eyes
from the romantic glare
how do u block the sound
of a voice u’d know anywhere

oh, i really should have known
by the time u drove me home
by the vagueness in ur eyes
ur casual good-byes
by the chill in ur embrace
the expression on ur face
that told me
maybe u might have some advice 2 give
on how 2 be
insensitive
insensitive
insensitive

how do u free ur soul
after u’ve found a friend
how do u teach ur heart
it’s a crime 2 fall in love again

oh, u probably won’t remember me
it’s probably ancient history
i’m one of the chosen few
who went ahead and fell 4 u
i’m out of vogue, i’m out of touch
i fell 2 fast, I feel 2 much
i thought that u might have
some advice 2 give on how 2 be
insensitive

oh, i know u mean well, or at least u think u do, but damn if u aren't about the most clueless mutherfucker i've ever known. ever. really.

I don't wanna hear, i don't wanna know -Madonna

really, i don't wanna know -Stevie

did u really think i would?

pale shadows of a dusty man

yes, he made me cry
he made me break down
he shattered my illusions of love

and i'll tell u

that it's over now
i'm learning how
2 pick up the pieces and go home
and go home
and go home

I Took a Shot and Didn't Even Come Close

It's like we had completely separate experiences. that part still blows me away. Dr. Everything'll Be All Right asked me if i've cried about this. i haven't. well, i did get choked up and teary when i saw Regina Spektor sing "On the Radio" at Bridge School. but i haven't had the really good cry. yet. and i think it's because it's such a big deal. and not even about him. but about me breaking the cycle of offering myself to men who are uninterested and unavailable. and breaking the cycle of accepting whatever those men are willing to give as enough. amidst the pain there is a definite numbness, but also an underlying breath of fire that tells me i'm alive and on the right path.

Please put the doctor on the phone 'cause I'm not making any sense
Blame everyone but me for this mess
And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart
We never seemed so far
I'm hopelessly hopeful, you're just hopeless enough
But we never had it at all

And the record won't stop skipping
And the lies just won't stop slipping
And besides my reputation's on the line
We can fake it for the airwaves
Force our smiles, baby, half dead
From comparing myself to everyone else around me
to everyone else around me
everyone else around me
everyone else around me

(thanks FOB...)

Eyes Never Lie

"I never said that!"
u protested.
but that's because
u think
words are only spoken
through lips.

The Words That I Keep Writing

i put him on a plane this morning. Christmas, his birthday and the start of the new year will pass between now and then. i need the breathing room.

i don't really know y we have 2 go
our separate ways
whether or not we grow
after the seeds r sown
only time can say...

but like a bird i'll keep on singing
a song that never leaves your mind
if nothing else u've taught me one thing
never cast ur pearls b4 the swine