the promise of a new day

yesterday i started loading all of my old cds from books into my itunes. i want to get all of them in by the end of the weekend. there is so much music, most of it from the late 80's up through the mid-90's that i haven't listened to in a long long time. like the first 2 Paula Abdul albums, or the Commodores, whose greatest hits i'm listening to right now.

the first cds i had i got for Christmas in 1987 - Prince's Sign o' the Times and Fleetwood Mac's Tango in the Night. Those actual cds are both still in my collection. Batman was the first Prince cd that I bought first and only on cd, it was also the first time that I bought a Prince album the day it came out -- a tradition I held up until 3121 was released in 2006 -- I was doing a Lenten Prince cleanse, and I also didn't really care so much.

Anyway, this importing of the cds has turned into an unexpected resolution of sorts to get myself organized and not so scattered. I'm consolidating 3 itunes libraries at the same time, and looking forward to having all of my music in one place for the first time in years.

don't go 4 second best, baby!

wow. big fucking day, all about me and my commitment to changing my life into what i want it to be.

on this cold rainy l.a. day, i started by going to the court to file a Motion to Reopen and Request for Sanctions to rid myself of an annoyance that should have been gone long ago. no, mutherfuckers, i'm not going to roll over and play dead. we could have been civil, but that's not what u wanted. whatever. i have truth on my side.

then, i got out of my session with Dr. Everything'll Be Alright to find a message from the recruiter that i'm on to Round Two. in-person interview and a series of tests. tests? eek! haha, i ain't scared of shit! i have truth on my side.

then, an evening out with Mr. Nothing. i went into this with the distinct impression that it would be that last time i'd see him. my intention was to lay it all on the line, i.e.: when u do (insert insensitive act here), it makes me feel (enter shitty disrespected emotion here). but the rain pushed back the schedule and kinda ruined the opportunity to do that properly. and still, there was an opportunity for me to make it very clear to him that i have boundaries and i am very secure in telling him what they are. good for me to do, and good for him to see. it may still be the end. i stood up, which was empowering and reminded me that further dissection is futile when he. doesn't. get. it. now i gotta letitgo. i have truth on my side.

so i begin not 2 love u
turn around, see me running
i say i loved u years ago
but tell myself u never loved me? no.

time cast a spell on u
but u won't 4get me
i know i could have loved u
but u would not let me

i'll follow u down 'till the sound
of my voice will haunt u
u'll never get away from the sound
of the one man who loved u

i don't wanna hear

don't tell me u're sorry. don't tell me u miss me. don't tell me u miss seeing me everyday. don't tell me i was the "best roommate ever". don't tell me u spent the night picking up a sleazy guy. don't expect to know everything in my life, because that's a privilege u forfeited when i walked out the door. i'm not gonna be like all the rest. i'm not going to accept whatever little bit u're willing to give on any given day. al fin, it's my way or no way at all.

how do u turn ur eyes
from the romantic glare
how do u block the sound
of a voice u’d know anywhere

oh, i really should have known
by the time u drove me home
by the vagueness in ur eyes
ur casual good-byes
by the chill in ur embrace
the expression on ur face
that told me
maybe u might have some advice 2 give
on how 2 be
insensitive
insensitive
insensitive

how do u free ur soul
after u’ve found a friend
how do u teach ur heart
it’s a crime 2 fall in love again

oh, u probably won’t remember me
it’s probably ancient history
i’m one of the chosen few
who went ahead and fell 4 u
i’m out of vogue, i’m out of touch
i fell 2 fast, I feel 2 much
i thought that u might have
some advice 2 give on how 2 be
insensitive

oh, i know u mean well, or at least u think u do, but damn if u aren't about the most clueless mutherfucker i've ever known. ever. really.

I don't wanna hear, i don't wanna know -Madonna

really, i don't wanna know -Stevie

did u really think i would?

pale shadows of a dusty man

yes, he made me cry
he made me break down
he shattered my illusions of love

and i'll tell u

that it's over now
i'm learning how
2 pick up the pieces and go home
and go home
and go home