til the end of time...

If i wrote down the posts in my head, you would already know:

1) American Idol finale reminded me that George Michael made me gay. (He also made me start smoking, but whatever.)

2) This week is the one year anniversary of seeing Stevie Nicks live for the first time.

3) There was a third thing I wanted to write about and promised myself I wouldn't forget. Fuck it!

don't go 4 second best, baby!

wow. big fucking day, all about me and my commitment to changing my life into what i want it to be.

on this cold rainy l.a. day, i started by going to the court to file a Motion to Reopen and Request for Sanctions to rid myself of an annoyance that should have been gone long ago. no, mutherfuckers, i'm not going to roll over and play dead. we could have been civil, but that's not what u wanted. whatever. i have truth on my side.

then, i got out of my session with Dr. Everything'll Be Alright to find a message from the recruiter that i'm on to Round Two. in-person interview and a series of tests. tests? eek! haha, i ain't scared of shit! i have truth on my side.

then, an evening out with Mr. Nothing. i went into this with the distinct impression that it would be that last time i'd see him. my intention was to lay it all on the line, i.e.: when u do (insert insensitive act here), it makes me feel (enter shitty disrespected emotion here). but the rain pushed back the schedule and kinda ruined the opportunity to do that properly. and still, there was an opportunity for me to make it very clear to him that i have boundaries and i am very secure in telling him what they are. good for me to do, and good for him to see. it may still be the end. i stood up, which was empowering and reminded me that further dissection is futile when he. doesn't. get. it. now i gotta letitgo. i have truth on my side.

so i begin not 2 love u
turn around, see me running
i say i loved u years ago
but tell myself u never loved me? no.

time cast a spell on u
but u won't 4get me
i know i could have loved u
but u would not let me

i'll follow u down 'till the sound
of my voice will haunt u
u'll never get away from the sound
of the one man who loved u

i don't wanna hear

don't tell me u're sorry. don't tell me u miss me. don't tell me u miss seeing me everyday. don't tell me i was the "best roommate ever". don't tell me u spent the night picking up a sleazy guy. don't expect to know everything in my life, because that's a privilege u forfeited when i walked out the door. i'm not gonna be like all the rest. i'm not going to accept whatever little bit u're willing to give on any given day. al fin, it's my way or no way at all.

how do u turn ur eyes
from the romantic glare
how do u block the sound
of a voice u’d know anywhere

oh, i really should have known
by the time u drove me home
by the vagueness in ur eyes
ur casual good-byes
by the chill in ur embrace
the expression on ur face
that told me
maybe u might have some advice 2 give
on how 2 be
insensitive
insensitive
insensitive

how do u free ur soul
after u’ve found a friend
how do u teach ur heart
it’s a crime 2 fall in love again

oh, u probably won’t remember me
it’s probably ancient history
i’m one of the chosen few
who went ahead and fell 4 u
i’m out of vogue, i’m out of touch
i fell 2 fast, I feel 2 much
i thought that u might have
some advice 2 give on how 2 be
insensitive

oh, i know u mean well, or at least u think u do, but damn if u aren't about the most clueless mutherfucker i've ever known. ever. really.

I don't wanna hear, i don't wanna know -Madonna

really, i don't wanna know -Stevie

did u really think i would?

pale shadows of a dusty man

yes, he made me cry
he made me break down
he shattered my illusions of love

and i'll tell u

that it's over now
i'm learning how
2 pick up the pieces and go home
and go home
and go home

the sound of my voice will haunt u

it took me nearly 25 years (ouch! it makes me feel really fucking old to realize that! where does the time go? really?) from when i got my first Stevie album to seeing her in concert. and now i get to do it again just nine months later. and what prophetic timing. that night in May set me onto a journey that was much like giving birth. i'm glad to be at the other side of it and really glad that i get to celebrate the delivery in her presence. ah Stevie, u do my soul good!

rain fall (i might be stupid enough 2 want 2 fall again)

so what happens now?
that’s what Madonna asked
(well, Evita actually)
this isn’t where we intended to be
that’s what Webber wrote
(well, Rice actually)
whatever
i won’t say i wish i didn’t fall
because the falling was fun
even if i did it alone
i won’t say i wish i moved long ago
because the living was worth the fall
to trip is to fall, we all fall down
(that’s Wendy & Lisa)
i was your fortress u had to burn
u were my lesson i had to learn
(yes, Madonna)
i’m glad i learned it with u
safely
it’s such a shame our friendship had to end
(u know Purple Rain, right?)
anyway
if happiness lies in our own hands
we only see what our eyes want to see
and don’t see what our eyes don’t want to see
my secret is i’m not frozen
i can’t wait
(gotta love Stevie)
sweet dreams!