back 2 the street where we began...

disclaimer: i'm going to get all Pete Wentz on u and gush about Panic and Barack.

i've been on the Obama-Clinton fence for several months, after an initial lean to Edwards as the closest to progressive candidate. it was Caroline's column that has pushed me off the fence and firmly to Obama. my interest in politics began with reading a JFK biography in 2nd grade. in 1983 i wrote a letter to Ted saying i was disappointed that he wasn't entering the 1984 race. a high point of my childhood was receiving a response from him. i went to college in Boston because of the Kennedys. i interned in Joe Kennedy's Boston office. i met Caroline at a book signing for the Patriot's Handbook and i was more starstruck than when I met Wendy, Lisa, or Prince. color me swayed.





find Nine in the Afternoon and listen to it NOW. it is a slice of billowy wonder beauty. hanging with my Guilty Pleasure comrades listening to it on repeat for, oh, over 3 hours the day it was released, i told them it is to the songs on A Fever You Can't Sweat Out as Raspberry Beret was to the songs on Purple Rain -- purely brilliant pop confection inspired by or at least owing a debt to the boys from Liverpool.

my repeat action followed me from the compound to the office. i now submit Exhibit A, details on the Top Ten most played tracks in my itunes:

1. Purple Rain Live	Prince And The Revolution	Atlanta '85	302
2. Let's Say	Girl Bros.	Girl Bros.	260
3. Erotica	Madonna	Confessions Tour Studio	234
4. Nine in the Afternoon	Panic at the Disco	Pretty. Odd.	179
5. Love... Thy Will Be Done	Martika	Martika's Kitchen	176
6. A Place In Heaven	Prince And The Revolution	Dream Factory Remastered	169
7. Love Song	Madonna and Prince!!!!!	Like A Prayer	162
8. Hands Clean	Alanis Morissette	Under Rug Swept	143
9. Future Lover	Madonna	Confessions On A Dance Floor	128
10. All My Dreams	Prince And The Revolution	Dream Factory Remastered	125

okay, so clearly, we're entering hallowed ground. i first noticed where it was at about 147 plays, when it was creeping up on Love song. i reported myself 2 S, and she replied, "just accept it. u already changed your wallpaper." and she's right. but the thing is, i've been on this machine for 2 years. my Top Ten, hell, my Top 25, is a finely crafted achievement meant to illustrate my musical leanings, my affections, my heart, my soul. and in 2 days, Panic is knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door! granted, that particular version of Purple Rain is 18 minutes +, so in actual listening time it'll be in the lead 4 a long while. but then again Pretty. Odd. doesn't come out until March. whaddamigonnalissen2?

did i mention i also got tix to opening night of the Honda civic tour at the Warfield in s.f.? that's right. poppin the panic cherry in April! don't u wanna come?

i need a c-o-o-l r-i-d-e-r

u know that parlor trick of reciting movie lines and making people guess what movie it's from? well, i hate that fucking game. i suck at it. i love movies, but my brain doesn't capture like that. song lyrics, yes, movie lines, no. UNLESS is is from one of the following: Purple Rain, Truth or Dare, Somewhere in Time, or Grease 2. those are the only movies i've watched ad nauseam, a requirement for me to quote.

anyway, this is what totally on my mind. Grease 2 is Grease, in reverse, with campy badness. i totally love it. this time, the exchange student is a boy, hunky Maxwell Caulfield, (Sandy's British cousin) who falls for bad girl Pink Lady leader Stefanie Zinnoni (Michelle Pfeiffer in her first lead role), who just broke up with bad boy T-Birds leader Johnnie Nogarelli (Adrian Zmed). okay --this is the part i was getting to -- Stefanie broke up with Johnnie over the summer, before the movie started. and though he's now macking on Paulette Rubecheck (Lorna Luft, the best 35-year-old high school student ever cast!), he won't accept that Stefanie broke up with him. she keeps telling him, the whole movie long, and he doesn't get it. he's pretty, and slow like that. and i keep thinking about that. how he just doesn't get it. funny. or weird. not weird weird, but weird.

can i get some more ketchup?

u push me

Every difficult situation is sent our way to help us to grow. Too bad we push the uncomfortable away.

Let's say you're in severe financial difficulty. God comes to you and says he/she will give you a million dollars every time someone hurts you or angers you -- provided you completely let go of any reactive feelings. Simply put, you cannot take anything personally. You have to let it go!

What would be on your mind all day? You'd be praying for God to send you people to hurt you. You'd wake up every morning searching out all the difficult relationships and offensive people!

The fact is, when you live your life with this in mind, you receive something more valuable than a million dollars. You receive the Light, which already includes financial sustenance, rejuvenation, well-being, happiness, and peace of mind.

Today, embrace the uncomfortable. Look for the silver dollar in every dark cloud.

turn me inside out

guess i left u shell shocked, baby
didn't mean 2 cry so hard
u were minding ur own business
u said 'not in my back yard!'

turn me inside out, what's inside of u?
turn me inside out, and i am u
turn me inside out, what's inside of u?
turn me inside out
and i am u

trying to get through 2 u, baby
working on a sunken mind
all 4 one and none 4 all maybe
brother, can u spare a dime?

turn me inside out, what's inside of u?
turn me inside out, and i am u
turn me inside out, what's inside of u?
turn me inside out
and i am u

guess i should have thought first, but i
guess i have no sense at all
can u get 2 heaven faster
if u build a higher wall?

4 all of u who talk but don't do
u have used up ur last i.o.u.
i am telling u because i am through
i get nothing 4 loving u

turn me inside out, what's inside of u
(come on in) and i am u
(i dare u) what's inside of u (yeah!)
turn me inside out, and i am u

now turn me inside out, what's inside of u
turn me inside out, and i am u
turn me inside out, what's inside of u
turn me inside out, and i am u

4 all of u who talk but don't do
u have used ur last i.o.u.
i am telling u because i am through
i get nothing 4 loving u
loving u
loving u

as sure as the candle burns

"What does Kabbalah say about depression?"

Depression is merely a lack of Light. If you walk into a dark room, you don't complain and worry about all the darkness. You simply flip on a light switch and the darkness vanishes. Sharing with people is our light switch.

YES, IT IS THAT SIMPLE!

Today, go out and share. Help someone who is in a worse situation than you. Find someone who is hurting more than you. When you share, you draw Light into your soul. And Light removes all the darkness and depression that you feel.

doubts of our conviction

Doubt creeps in the moment we lose our focus on our original intention.

Think of it in terms of relationships. You could be so happy, you're with your soul mate, life is wonderful. Hugs and kisses, xoxo, and all that. Then she does something you don't like and you forget. You forget how she helps you through the darkness. You forget how she loves you even when you don't love yourself. You forget. And then doubt creeps in. One moment you have all the reasons to be in the relationship, the next you find all the reasons not to be.

It's all about doubt. Why? Because you forget why you were in the relationship in the first place.

Today is your chance to remember. Remind yourself of what you receive from your significant relationships. Connect to the seed of goodness and cast out the doubt.

maybe u're just like my father

A President Like My Father
By CAROLINE KENNEDY

OVER the years, I’ve been deeply moved by the people who’ve told me they wished they could feel inspired and hopeful about America the way people did when my father was president. This sense is even more profound today. That is why I am supporting a presidential candidate in the Democratic primaries, Barack Obama.

My reasons are patriotic, political and personal, and the three are intertwined. All my life, people have told me that my father changed their lives, that they got involved in public service or politics because he asked them to. And the generation he inspired has passed that spirit on to its children. I meet young people who were born long after John F. Kennedy was president, yet who ask me how to live out his ideals.

Sometimes it takes a while to recognize that someone has a special ability to get us to believe in ourselves, to tie that belief to our highest ideals and imagine that together we can do great things. In those rare moments, when such a person comes along, we need to put aside our plans and reach for what we know is possible.

We have that kind of opportunity with Senator Obama. It isn’t that the other candidates are not experienced or knowledgeable. But this year, that may not be enough. We need a change in the leadership of this country — just as we did in 1960.

Most of us would prefer to base our voting decision on policy differences. However, the candidates’ goals are similar. They have all laid out detailed plans on everything from strengthening our middle class to investing in early childhood education. So qualities of leadership, character and judgment play a larger role than usual.

Senator Obama has demonstrated these qualities throughout his more than two decades of public service, not just in the United States Senate but in Illinois, where he helped turn around struggling communities, taught constitutional law and was an elected state official for eight years. And Senator Obama is showing the same qualities today. He has built a movement that is changing the face of politics in this country, and he has demonstrated a special gift for inspiring young people — known for a willingness to volunteer, but an aversion to politics — to become engaged in the political process.

I have spent the past five years working in the New York City public schools and have three teenage children of my own. There is a generation coming of age that is hopeful, hard-working, innovative and imaginative. But too many of them are also hopeless, defeated and disengaged. As parents, we have a responsibility to help our children to believe in themselves and in their power to shape their future. Senator Obama is inspiring my children, my parents’ grandchildren, with that sense of possibility.

Senator Obama is running a dignified and honest campaign. He has spoken eloquently about the role of faith in his life, and opened a window into his character in two compelling books. And when it comes to judgment, Barack Obama made the right call on the most important issue of our time by opposing the war in Iraq from the beginning.

I want a president who understands that his responsibility is to articulate a vision and encourage others to achieve it; who holds himself, and those around him, to the highest ethical standards; who appeals to the hopes of those who still believe in the American Dream, and those around the world who still believe in the American ideal; and who can lift our spirits, and make us believe again that our country needs every one of us to get involved.

I have never had a president who inspired me the way people tell me that my father inspired them. But for the first time, I believe I have found the man who could be that president — not just for me, but for a new generation of Americans.

Caroline Kennedy is the author of “A Patriot’s Handbook: Songs, Poems, Stories and Speeches Celebrating the Land We Love.”

desire, it covers our faces

One of my mother, and teacher, Karen Berg's favorite mantras is "Next. Next. Next."

As you expand your vessel (desire), there's going to be challenges and discomforts. You're going to get rejected and bruised. Your job is to grab your lessons and go. Next. Too many of us get unnecessarily weighed down by troubled pasts, broken relationships, and childhood traumas.

When a butterfly emerges from its cocoon, does it bring the cocoon with it? Next.

Today, let the rejection in. Feel the burn. Break the shells surrounding your soul. And remember to let go of them once they break. Next!

uh-oh, don't look down...

in honor of Wendy & Susannah's birthday, the W&L song currently stuck in my consciousness, and a live Rotterdam clip from 1990 that i saw 4 the first time today!













devil to your knees
and take your hands off me
i thought we were friends
but you lie and lie again.

i hit the wall and the wall came down
i climbed the wall now i wont come down
to give up would be upside down
look up now
dont look down.

i've had hell to pay doing things my way
blessings are disguised, but the devil i recognize.

i hit the wall and the wall came down
i climbed the wall now i wont come down
to give up would be upside down
look up now
dont look down

...now get out the same way you got in.

i ain't got no money

There is a kabbalistic prayer that says, "listen to us because we are poor."

This is not referring to financial poverty, but rather a state of mind concerning appreciation and the reality of the Light. By being in a state of humility, we gain the realization that all sustenance and fulfillment comes from the Light.

Today, acknowledge your constant dependence on the Light's beneficence. Doing so allows you to receive more – and keep what you already have.

u are the rule

Here's a thought: the Light loves you.

If the idea of Light or God is too abstract, put it in simple terms. Think of the boundless care a parent has for its child. This is how the Creator feels about you. It might not look or feel that way sometimes, but the disconnection is a trick of the five senses. Beyond it there is love. Only love.

And if the Light loves you - and believes in you – then how can you possibly doubt yourself?

Remember who you are today. And remember who loves ya' baby.

don't go 4 second best, baby!

wow. big fucking day, all about me and my commitment to changing my life into what i want it to be.

on this cold rainy l.a. day, i started by going to the court to file a Motion to Reopen and Request for Sanctions to rid myself of an annoyance that should have been gone long ago. no, mutherfuckers, i'm not going to roll over and play dead. we could have been civil, but that's not what u wanted. whatever. i have truth on my side.

then, i got out of my session with Dr. Everything'll Be Alright to find a message from the recruiter that i'm on to Round Two. in-person interview and a series of tests. tests? eek! haha, i ain't scared of shit! i have truth on my side.

then, an evening out with Mr. Nothing. i went into this with the distinct impression that it would be that last time i'd see him. my intention was to lay it all on the line, i.e.: when u do (insert insensitive act here), it makes me feel (enter shitty disrespected emotion here). but the rain pushed back the schedule and kinda ruined the opportunity to do that properly. and still, there was an opportunity for me to make it very clear to him that i have boundaries and i am very secure in telling him what they are. good for me to do, and good for him to see. it may still be the end. i stood up, which was empowering and reminded me that further dissection is futile when he. doesn't. get. it. now i gotta letitgo. i have truth on my side.

so i begin not 2 love u
turn around, see me running
i say i loved u years ago
but tell myself u never loved me? no.

time cast a spell on u
but u won't 4get me
i know i could have loved u
but u would not let me

i'll follow u down 'till the sound
of my voice will haunt u
u'll never get away from the sound
of the one man who loved u

i don't wanna hear

don't tell me u're sorry. don't tell me u miss me. don't tell me u miss seeing me everyday. don't tell me i was the "best roommate ever". don't tell me u spent the night picking up a sleazy guy. don't expect to know everything in my life, because that's a privilege u forfeited when i walked out the door. i'm not gonna be like all the rest. i'm not going to accept whatever little bit u're willing to give on any given day. al fin, it's my way or no way at all.

how do u turn ur eyes
from the romantic glare
how do u block the sound
of a voice u’d know anywhere

oh, i really should have known
by the time u drove me home
by the vagueness in ur eyes
ur casual good-byes
by the chill in ur embrace
the expression on ur face
that told me
maybe u might have some advice 2 give
on how 2 be
insensitive
insensitive
insensitive

how do u free ur soul
after u’ve found a friend
how do u teach ur heart
it’s a crime 2 fall in love again

oh, u probably won’t remember me
it’s probably ancient history
i’m one of the chosen few
who went ahead and fell 4 u
i’m out of vogue, i’m out of touch
i fell 2 fast, I feel 2 much
i thought that u might have
some advice 2 give on how 2 be
insensitive

oh, i know u mean well, or at least u think u do, but damn if u aren't about the most clueless mutherfucker i've ever known. ever. really.

I don't wanna hear, i don't wanna know -Madonna

really, i don't wanna know -Stevie

did u really think i would?

that giggle that u do...

oh, brendon...

see u laughing

ah, friends rock. just got this e-mail:

we went to this place called VNYL tonight where everything is of course based on music, and this drink is called Purple Rayne. it's made with, among other things, raspberry puree. i missed you being there.

xoxoxox
s

deeper and deeper

Some people quit studying Kabbalah when they don't see miracles materializing right away. What they don't understand is if they don't strike gold after two or three digs, they mustn't blame the earth. They must dig deeper.

Dig deeper today. Share until it hurts (or helps.) Dust off those kabbalah books from the shelf and give them another read. Scan Zohar. The treasure is there, you only need to work to reach it. And work hard.

pale shadows of a dusty man

yes, he made me cry
he made me break down
he shattered my illusions of love

and i'll tell u

that it's over now
i'm learning how
2 pick up the pieces and go home
and go home
and go home

just a wet dream 4 the webzine

TAKE THIS:






































ADD THIS:

















AND A DASH OF THIS:



















GET THIS:













Okay, so i knew i was in love in Brendon after watching a three-part interview for the Finnish TV show Pop-Ikoniin, which concluded with the following exchange:

P-I: If Panic! at the Disco was a superhero, which superhero you would be?

Brendon: Like one that I make up or like an already existing one?

P-I: U can make it up.

Brendon: Really. (Brief reflective pause) We’ll be like a mix between Prince and Liberace with more flamboyant clothing, if you can imagine that. And I, uh, use your imagination with the superpowers. Just take those two people, put ‘em together – add Freddie Mercury as well – and more flamboyant clothing…

P-I: So they make everyone gay.

Brendon: (Stutters) That’s just one big gay superhero. That’s fine. I mean, f it gets—

P-I: That’s one big man soup.

Brendon: (Smiling) Yeah, that’s one big man soup. If it gets the job done, you know.

P-I: Alright, thanks.

Brendon: There we go! Thank you very much.

P-I: Nice to meet u.

Brendon: U too.

i gotta just letitgo

Ok, so God's Light is hidden behind a curtain. What is the curtain?

Ego. Each time you react, a curtain is placed over your inner lamp. Fortunately, every time you overcome your ego, a curtain is removed. Keep in mind that the Light of God never changes. It remains constant. You have the free will to either remove curtains and bring more Light into your world, or add curtains and increase the darkness.

Today, stop putting up curtains – and start pulling some down. Resist the angry outbursts and impatient stares. Indulge in loving remarks and thoughtful acts. Remember, only you can take down the curtains to reveal the full intensity of Light that is always shining.

the sound of my voice will haunt u

it took me nearly 25 years (ouch! it makes me feel really fucking old to realize that! where does the time go? really?) from when i got my first Stevie album to seeing her in concert. and now i get to do it again just nine months later. and what prophetic timing. that night in May set me onto a journey that was much like giving birth. i'm glad to be at the other side of it and really glad that i get to celebrate the delivery in her presence. ah Stevie, u do my soul good!

oh how it's been so long

it's so fucking awesome to be excited about new music and to have a new obsession that is rooted in a genuine appreciation of the musicality and lyricism of a group. a dreamysexyhotqueerish lead singer is just icing. Panic at the Disco has entered my consciousness -- yes, i'm a couple two years late to the party, but after only a month of exposure, i'm a goner. i've fallen hook, line and sinker! their sophomore album is slated for a spring release and i'm loving the tracks i've heard from it. it's been a loooong time since i've been excited for a new album to come out. for the last few years, i anticipate The Idol's albums with cautious optimism. while Confessions was a pleasant surprise that has become a favorite of the post-Madonna era, i'm 100% dreading the next Madonna album. i strongly dislike Timbaland & JT's sound and arrogance. i'm praying for M to work one of her miracles. and the 3 return-to-pop discs from P have steadily improved from Musicology to 3121 to Planet Earth, but his recorded worked hasn't been inspired since TRC, which was unfortunately marred by the clunky JW-speak. and while CW is that is his live shows are where it's at, the 3121 shows i saw in Vegas last year and other sets i've heard illustrate that without a solid backing band there's not much life left in the hits. but i digress... Panic blows me away! my ipod has been stuck on their Reading 2007 set for about five days. great blend of tunes from their debut disc, new tracks and covers. they're top rate musicians and Brendon's voice is just really fucking brilliant -- and the little shits are barely legal! can't wait for the live show.

Solo

I was just playing the old "shuffle & see" game. U know, put itunes on shuffle, skip to the next song, using that song as a Tarot card of sorts. Know what song came up for me?

Solitaire

the Carpenters tune, performed by Sheryl Crow, not the Laura Branigan one. but same sentiment. at any rate, solo is just right these days, and yes, the only game in town.

rain fall (i might be stupid enough 2 want 2 fall again)

so what happens now?
that’s what Madonna asked
(well, Evita actually)
this isn’t where we intended to be
that’s what Webber wrote
(well, Rice actually)
whatever
i won’t say i wish i didn’t fall
because the falling was fun
even if i did it alone
i won’t say i wish i moved long ago
because the living was worth the fall
to trip is to fall, we all fall down
(that’s Wendy & Lisa)
i was your fortress u had to burn
u were my lesson i had to learn
(yes, Madonna)
i’m glad i learned it with u
safely
it’s such a shame our friendship had to end
(u know Purple Rain, right?)
anyway
if happiness lies in our own hands
we only see what our eyes want to see
and don’t see what our eyes don’t want to see
my secret is i’m not frozen
i can’t wait
(gotta love Stevie)
sweet dreams!